Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Teaser Tuesday

Been busy filling job applications and getting my final year project proposal sorted, so I nearly forgot it was Tuesday.

Here's my teaser. It continues from last week's.

A little background: Giaan and his girlfriend, Aletea, are back from shopping at Oxford Street in London. They encounter Giaan's uncle, Uncle Yashpal, at Giaan's house.

Snippet starts:


Snippet ends.


  1. I just want to comment on how seriously awesome the names in here are, without feeling forced ^^

  2. oooh what crazy plan? i still like uncle yashpal even with the line about the boy who called him capt hook living to regret those words...but i dont think im going to be liking him much longer! i <3 aletea though! :)

  3. I don't like "Captain" so much. :( I must know about this plan, too. *strokes chin* Hmm..

  4. I love this. I also think the names are great, easy to pronounce and unique in that not TOO unique way.

  5. @ Becca lol neither does Uncle Yashpal. He doesn't like "captain" ;)

  6. Great last line! Love Uncle Yashpal!

  7. Awwww the kiss. Your characters are so great, I just love them.

  8. I loved this piece, but that must not be too much of a surprise since I've loved every other Giaan piece you've posted. This snippet was funny, though, and the interaction between Uncle Yashpal and Aletea is enjoyable to read. I love it when characters push each other's buttons.

  9. I have to agree with the others. The names are so different, but I love them. And I want to read more of this! Wonder what Uncle Yashpal is up to...

  10. Lol...fun snip! Love the bit about the bulldog on a tight lead especially! :)

  11. Awesome post as usual!!

    however, i see one missed opportunity. the part where Captain ( i am so gonna keep saying that.lolz) says: Then she will wait all day.
    i think you should have accompanied that with an action by the captain. maybe something like:

    "Then she will wait all day," said Yashpal as his threathening figure loomed forward, barring the doorway even more. if looks could kill, Aletea would have died many times at that moment. he couldnt have made it more obvious that her presence was like a rain on his parade.
    Giaan was amused at how unaffected Aletea remained. he immediately wanted to hug her...

    JEEZ...talk about getting carried away...My bad. i just love the chemistry and tension in that situation.lol. give me dramatic tension plus some love and all i will ever need is some tissue to wipe myself afterwards...hahaha

    Anyway, i'm sure you can do better than that but consider adding something that would slam another nail into the cupboard of his character.

  12. @ Anon lol great suggestion.
    However, Uncle Yashpal isn't the in-your-face kind of person. He stands back and lets his appearance do the talking. The only person he jumps at is Giaan. Every other person, he generally avoids or scowls at. Maybe it's an anger management thing lol
    And Aletea has never been scared or affected by Yashpal, so Giaan is never amused when she behaves that way. In fact her behaviour gets him into trouble when she leaves, so he can't be amused.

    And being amused in front of Uncle Yashpal?? Lol that's as good as Giaan shooting himself in the face haha

  13. lol...kicked myself afterwards...actually meant 'amazed'. but yeah, i see what you mean. it shouldnt be a new thing to him. although, i still think it wil be understandable for him to be amazed whenever reminded of her defiant attitude towards the uncle he doesnt really care for ( not sure of that but it seems like that to me anyway)
    back to yashpal....yeah i absolutely get the subtlety of his character. that was why i based my rather wierd description on his actions. almost everything was implied, merely suggested.lol...you see? there i go again. my wife also hates it when i go on and on.

    but hey man, they are your characters afterall. I sense goodness in this story and i am NEVER WRONG.

    *wife cackles behind my shoulder*

  14. lol! Hahaha! Cheers mate ;) And I am considering your suggestions. Great critique

  15. Awesome snip, as always! I wanna know what the plan is too. Got me hooked! :D

  16. What's the plan???
    I *love* Peter Pan, so I totally love the reference. (Side note: When I went to London, I trekked all the way to the Ormond Street Children's Hospital just because J.M.Barrie gave it his coyright).
    Great snip!

  17. LOL! I love the bulldog reference. No better way to sum up a person's appearance and personality with a metaphor.


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