Teaser Tuesdays

So there's this new thing called Teaser Tuesday going on at Absolute Writers, the oh-so-awesome site where writers such as myself gather to cause great mischief. Basically, authors (published and unpublished) post snippets of their WIP (Work In Progress) every Tuesday for all to read. I just found out about it and I'm pretty excited, because I want to join in the fun. Unfortunately, it's Thursday, so I'll have to wait until next Tuesday before putting something up. This is going to be the first time I've ever posted anything from my WIP on my blog for public consumption, so I'm quite nervous lol.

As for now, I'll just stick to talking a little bit about my WIP. I haven't sat down to properly write a synopsis or a query, as I'm still a long way from finishing the book, but I think I can manage to pull something out of the proverbial hat.

Book Title: The End is where I begin.

What it's about:

Giaan Taran leads a double life.

In one life, he's a popular, brilliant sixteen-year-old who lost his parents and older brother to a ghastly car crash; he lives with his perverse, socially awkward uncle; he dates one of the most beautiful and wealthiest girls at school; and he commands both devotion and respect from not just his friends but most of his classmates.

In his other life, he's a frightened, depressed sixteen-year-old whose brother and mother were murdered by his father, the most wanted and dangerous man on earth; he lives in constant fear of one day getting killed by his menacing uncle; and what he wants more than anything in the world (besides his girlfriend) is to leave his uncle, his father, his dark family history, and disappear forever – start a new life free of fear and violence. In a week's time, he'll be able to do just that.

But before Giaan can fulfil his dream, calamity in the shape of his father befalls him.

Through his uncle, Giaan is ordered by his father to carry out a mission. A mission so vile it could well mean the death of many innocent people. Giaan is terrified. He can't turn to his friends or his girlfriend for help, because this is the part of his life he has kept hidden from them. This is the part of his life he has determined they would never glimpse. So he turns to the only other person he can trust: Julian Foster, a pastor and a father figure.

However, Giaan's decision to confide in Julian instigates a chain of terrible events that has the entire of Britain gripped with terror and pits Giaan and his friends in the midst of a battle between two powerful organisations that has raged on for years.

That took thirty minutes to write, so please forgive me if it sucks :S.

The book is meant to encompass three or four volumes, with each volume made up of, at least, five or six episodes. Yeah, episodes. Not chapters. I opted for episodes because Giaan isn't the only character I focus on in detail. Each episode tells a story, starting with Giaan's, and as the reader delves deeper into the book, they unravel the mysteries of the plot. Also, all characters are linked to one another in some way – that is to say, characters either know each other intimately or they've met briefly or they've never met but know the same people.

For example: episode three, entitled 'Requiem for a Dream', spotlights Madeline 'Maddy' Atwood. Maddy is best friends with Aletea, who happens to be Giaan's girlfriend. Though Maddy and Giaan are classmates and friends, you won't find Maddy running to Giaan for advices or help with anything serious, because they're not that close, which is perfectly normal. I share that type of relationship with some people, as do you.

Sure, there are books that centre on more than one character and are written in chapters and not episodes, but I thought in my case, using chapters would clutter things a little bit. Plus, I thought writing 'Episode I' was way cooler than 'Chapter I' XD lol.

Some episodes will centre on multiple characters and their respective stories.

The one thing I must avoid is writing an entire episode that features a boring character. Alas, while all my characters are interesting in one way or another, not all of them warrant an episode. I like to think that I've picked the best characters to focus on:

In episode three, the reader finds out that sixteen-year-old Maddy has a big secret, like Giaan. She kills people for a living, and she does so without emotion and with amazing and terrifying dexterity. The idea is to get my readers wondering, is Maddy a monster, an eternally broken child or is she doing the right thing, macabre as it may be? None of Maddy's friends know of her extracurricular activities, and she strives to keep it that way.

Amina Moore gets her own episode as well. She's no friend of Giaan or Maddy, but she does attend the same school, and she's quite the popular girl. In her episode, things aren't going too well for her. Her mother is slumped in the passenger seat, bleeding profusely from the neck, while Amina drives as fast as she can to save both their lives from a crazed murderer who seeks a scientific document he believes Amina's mother possesses.

It may not look like it, but the events that occur in every episode (both the ones I've mentioned above and the ones I haven't) are linked by a common thread – powerful people, clandestine organisations, ancient artefacts. And a seemingly inexorable chaos that threatens the lives of everyone – Giaan, Maddy, Aletea, Audrey, Amina, Jon, and the rest – begins the instant Giaan discloses the true nature of his mission to Julian.

I'm going to stop here now, because I don't want to reveal too much. Next Tuesday I'll post a snippet for your pleasure.

Thanks for reading!

The Pain Merchants/The Shifter Review

You thought I forgot about you, didntcha? Ah – tut tut, but I never forget.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I present to you, The Pain Merchants by Janice Hardy. I got an ARC of Janice's debut from Janice herself after I came second or third (can't remember) in a competition she hosted. It arrived a week later, and I devoured it in four days. Then I bought myself a retail copy from Borders when it was published.

Right ... Let's take a minute to delve into Merchants, shall we?

Fifteen-year-old Nya dwells in Geveg, a onetime beautiful city devastated by war, its people battered into pathetic semblances of what they once were – affluent, vibrant, and happy. Enemy soldiers forever patrol the streets of Geveg, inculcating order, constraining the locals to a life of servitude while foreigners take their wealth, food, homes, lands and pretty much everything that is rightfully theirs. Sometime during the war, Nya lost her family save her younger sister, Tali. This heartbreaking ordeal compels our heroine to slaving away at odd, sometimes dangerous jobs (one of them has her at risk of losing her limbs to crocs) and having to rely on petty thievery for food when these jobs are in short supply.

In Geveg, you either fall into one of three general classes of people:

[1] A Baseeri, which suggests you're rich, you've got food, a roof over your head, and little to worry about – after all, your army invaded Geveg.

[2] A Healer, which means, even though you're of Geveg heritage, you get to spend your apprenticeship days at the League, good food provided three times a day, and a nice bed to sleep on.

[3] An ordinary Geveg, which means, well, you're screwed – you'll probably work at the docks and lose a large chunk of your butt to a fat crocodile. Tough, mate.

Fortunately, Tali is a Healer. This makes Nya's day-to-day survival antics a little less demanding and crazy, as she only has to look out for one stomach – hers. And sometimes Tali aids Nya by sneaking food from the League to her when she comes visiting (Healers are rarely allowed beyond the League grounds). Still, the stomach is renowned for being a demanding and greedy baggage, especially when it belongs to someone living in a city that has little money to offer. Little money = Little to no food. Your math teacher must have mentioned that in class at some point.

Nya's voice is cleverly fashioned and engaging, and you immediately get a sense that she's the type of person who looks at bad situations through a window of mild humour and opportunity, a somewhat rare attribute encompassed by most YA characters today. Usually, characters in Nya's position – orphaned at a young age, had to look after and provide for her baby sister, is almost always hungry every day – are portrayed as rigid (I don't care about the world. I care about me and me alone), or regretful (I hate my mum. How could she die and leave me all alone?), or vengeful (I'm going to slaughter my enemies my awesome powers! Raaaaaaaaaaar!), or whinny (What am I gonna do? I hate this food. It tastes like wee-wee. I want Kelloggs Cornflakes. I don't want wee-wee!).

That is not to say that most YA characters aren't properly rendered (they are), and I'm not suggesting that Nya laughs at every single bad thing that happens to her. She's just a girl with a big heart who tries to make the best out of anything, good or bad. And as for being funny, it's not like she does it on purpose. Ever had a friend who did or uttered something amusing without meaning to? Yeah, that's Nya.

Take for example: the book opens with a rather hilarious scene that depicts Nya showcasing her not-so-impressive pilfering talent. She tries to steal some eggs, and less than six brief paragraphs into the story she gets caught. Now, whenever Nya finds herself in a sticky situation she recalls an adage her grandmother told her, one that fits her current dilemma and can offer a possible solution. Sort of like when you were a kid and a stranger walked up to you and you thought, Mummy said never to talk to strangers, and you were suddenly on your guard. In aforementioned scene, Nya recollects: 'As Grannyma used to say, if you're caught with the cake, you might as well offer them a piece,' and proposes to her captor, 'Join me for breakfast when your shift ends?' She wasn't trying to be funny; she honestly did want to offer some of her spoils, because she reckoned, hey, if I give him some, maybe he'll let me go.

The young, dashing guard rejects her kind proposition, though not without a smile, and is forced to apprehend Nya. Of course, Nya has no intention of doing time in jail. She bolts. He chases. Then things get very interesting when the guard falls and injures himself, and Nya, out of compassion, shifts his injury from him and pushes it into Heclar, the horrid owner of the eggs Nya tried to steal. And here lies, perhaps The Pain Merchants strongest appeal.

Nya is a Shifter (or Taker). Now, Shifters are a lot like Healers, the main difference being that Healers can only shift pain from person to pynvium (enchanted metal with the capability to store pain), while Shifters can only shift pain from person to person. Healing as a power in YA fiction is nothing new. Healing as presented as such is something that hasn't been done in a while. Everyone's too busy writing Twilight lookalikes they forgot to think for two seconds and give creativity a chance. If I could, I'd give Janice Hardy a gold statue.

You might be wondering: if Nya can shift pain, why isn't she at the League with Tali, where she doesn't have to steal and do ridiculously hard labour? Well, you see, Shifters are quite useless when it comes to the healing business, which is actually a massive, thriving business in Geveg and all over the book's world. People come to the League and pay ample sum of money to have their injuries and pains taken from them. Healers put the pain in pynvium, and when a strip of pynvium is exhausted it is sold to the Pain Merchants. The Pain Merchants go on to forge weapons out of the pynvium – like a sword that has pain stored in it. I stab you and you feel not only the pain from your wound, but also the pain stored within the pynvium blade. Yeah, you know what that means – sucks for you, mate.

Moreover, and more importantly, Shifters are very, very rare. They are as rare as dinosaurs. So, imagine you're a dino and you peak out of your hiding place, exposing yourself to the public. Imagine the public scrutiny that would follow – scientists clamouring to carry out a myriad of tests on you; the government seeking to utilise you as a weapon. Yeah, imagine that. Just imagine. Are you imagining? Good.

OK, you can stop imagining now.

Thus, Nya must keep her ability hidden. But The Pain Merchant wouldn't be a cool book if word about Nya's unique skill didn't slip out, right? Her act of compassion exposes her secret, and soon dangerous people are after her. Even worse, her sister mysteriously vanishes and it could be Nya's fault.

When it comes to character development, Janice Hardy is at her best – a true master. I would expect nothing less, considering her blog is peppered with intellectual advises on writing. Nya is that wonderful friend you have that would rather risk her neck to save lives than commit any wrong, except when absolutely necessary (like stealing eggs to eat). But stealing eggs is a petty crime, acceptable even, when you examine Nya's circumstances. The real test of will and character begins when Nya is asked to use her power to commit acts so grievous they make her literally sick. The flip side? Not only will said acts provide her with enough money for months-worth of food, it would also help her find her sister.

There is a lesson to be acquired from this book, and it is everybody has a price. I don't care how good you are. I don't care if you're the bloody pope. Everybody can be bought at some time with something.

There is a budding romance in Merchants, but it doesn't grow as much as I think most female readers would like. Nothing like that Edward-Bella stuff here, guys. In a way, I'm happy. I think it's realistic. Nya has so much to do that it would make no sense for her to constantly droll over the lead male. There's no love-triangle as well. Thank God!

Janice's writing is graceful, flowing from point A to point B and onwards with no problem at all, and she ramps up the action with every passing chapter. Merchants is structured almost to flawlessness: there is a great opening that grips you, a middle that throws you around, and an end that shatters whatever theories you thought might explain certain things. I won't go as far as saying Janice Hardy is JK Rowling. But I will say, like Rowling, Janice puts excellent plot and character development first, and does both of them justice in the end.

Now all that's left is for Janice to complete her trilogy in style, and not to do a Harry: make Nya win simply because she's the heroine, like Harry beat Voldemort because he was the hero and not because he was better or qualified. Yeah, I said it. Voldemort was the better magician. Voldemort would kick Harry Potter's ass any day. But in the end, through some lame-ass technicality Voldemort missed (which was a total cop-out by Rowling), Voldemort commits suicide – he fires a killing curse which ricochets off Harry's Expelliarmus and kills him. I want Nya to defeat the Duke by sheer intellect and strength.

Of course, no book is perfect, not even The Pain Merchants. My reasoning for this is, when I was a kid my dad told me that all human beings are flawed, and as such, our creations inherit our flaws in one form or another. Some people will love Janice's debut, some will not. That's why it isn't perfect. As for me, I'm totally sold. I loved The Pain Merchants – loved it from the very moment I read its first words, and I love it still.

I'm holding my breath for the next instalment.

REVIEW SCORE

Characters: 9/10

World Building: 9/10

Prose: 9/10

Plot: 9/10

Final Score: 9/10

The Notebook Review

For many years my girlfriends have been begging me to watch this movie. They said it was awesome. They also said Twilight and New Moon were awesome. I'm starting to lose faith in what women consider "awesome" these days, man.

The Notebook. I discovered the ending to this movie before I got halfway through the movie, and I really didn't like that. They could have done a better job at concealing the identity of Ally in the retirement home; it would have been something for me to discover, at the end, that Duke's story was about the woman he was telling it to, and that Duke was in fact Noah. So much potential, this movie had.

I can see why women love this – the romance is cliché at best, but it's got that "I'll love you forever, through thick and thin, through heaven and hell" message that women love to read about in their M&B's and Silhouettes. It's the ultimate girl fantasy, this Notebook.

Oh well.

Rating: 4/10

As for the romance, Rating: 20/10. I ... I cried when the movie ended!

Reading Monster, that’s me!

So, of late, I've been really busy catching up on my reading, at the steep cost of temporarily abandoning my WIP, and I've got to say, I'm impressed with myself. Yeah, yeah, I know, I should be focused on finishing my book, but I can't complain. You cannot imagine how much I've learnt from these books – their authors' styles, techniques, manners of presenting twists and turns, etc. The Demon's Lexicon, Catching Fire, Life as we knew it, The Pain Merchants, The Time Traveller's Wife – these are the books I've devoured in the past couple of weeks, and I can't stop myself.

I'm currently reading Aprilynne Pike's Wings, even though I said I wouldn't because of that dreaded love triangle which has invaded every goddamn YA book out today. When I'm finished with Pike's debut, I'm going to read Kristin Cashore's Fire. Then I'm going to turn my sights on Carrie Ryan's Zombie fest, The Forest of Hands and Teeth. Oh yeah, I haven't forgotten you, The Dead and the Gone.

Damn.

Someone, give me a cookie. I'm on a roll, son!

Of course, in between all this, I'll be writing my book. Can't forget that. It's 2010 and I must finish this WIP by March. Must. After all, I've been on it since 2007.

The Demon’s Lexicon Review

When The Demon's Lexicon was published in June, people made an awful lot of noise about it, probably because its author, Sarah Rees Brennan, was already sort of an internet celebrity, admired even amongst published authors such as Holly Black (Spiderwick) and Cassandra Clare (City of Bones). I had planned to read Lexicon then, but had other pressing matters to contend with, so I put that plan on hold.

About a week ago, I walked into Borders, got myself a copy of Sarah Rees Brennan's debut and started reading. I finished it today.

So, here goes my review. At the onset of the book, we are introduced to two protagonists, Nick and Alan. Nick is a tough boy with a filthy mouth who likes nothing more than to kill magicians, because, frankly, that's the same way they feel about him. Alan, Nick's brother, is the very antithesis of Nick – kind, perceptive, smart, and willing to risk his life for others, especially his brother.

Magicians in Lexicon are not what we are used to, the contemporary sort. They're not wand-brandishing teens. They're cold-blooded murderers. To attain power, they must consort with demons, providing these beasts of darkness something in exchange for power. The more generous this something is the greater the power a demon grants a magician. And nothing can be more generous than a human being for demons to possess, as demons want more than anything to come into our world.

Sounds a bit original, that is until you've read The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud (published way before The Demon's Lexicon), which actually utilises this idea in a more fun, dangerous and clever way. I can't hold that against Sarah; hardly anything is original these days.

Magicians belong to circles, like vampires belong to covens. One of these circles, led by a dangerous and fierce magician, Black Arthur, has been tracking Nick and Alan for a long, long time, because their mum, Olivia, stole an amulet from Arthur and he wants it back. The problem is the amulet is keeping Olivia alive. Giving it back to Black Arthur would mean killing their mum, and Alan cannot allow that.

There are a number of things about Lexicon that really grated on me. I swear, at so many times, I think my brain liquefied, solidified and liquefied again and again while I chopped through the book.

Now, let it be known, I'm not the kind of person who rips on the works of authors just for the fun of it, particularly the works of debut authors. I hope to be a debut author someday and I wouldn't be pleased if I stumbled upon a site/blog and saw a bad review of my book. But in this case I think I owe it to myself to be sincere, and I would totally understand if other reviewers felt the same way about my book.

Alan.

Dude.

Are you for real?

No, honestly. This guy gives his talisman to a chick, which leaves him exposed to demonic attacks. Sure enough, he gets branded with a first-tier mark. What that means is that he's on the initial stages of unwillingly handing out his meat-suit (human body) to a demon for possession. I've done some pretty dumb things for girls just to impress them, okay? Most guys have. Girls too. But this is like Harry giving up his wand in Deathly Hallows when he knows the death eaters or Lord Voldemort is just around the corner. The book clearly states that the boys are on the run from Black Arthur, and Alan dishes out his talisman to a girl? Why, I ask? No rational reason is given, not by Alan or the writer.

Alan's stupidity must be fuelled by some kind of exquisite form of liquid kryptonite, because it shows no sign of giving up the ghost. As the book progresses, Alan continues to make questionable and illogical risks all for the sake of Jamie and Mae (the other protagonists). I won't name all his errors, as I don't want to give too much away, but it did make me wonder how Alan was able to survive Black Arthur's wrath this long if he is this dumb.

Yeah, I know he's a nice guy who loves helping people, but he takes the whole Hero Complex phenomenon to a whole new, ridiculous level. Harry Potter had a Hero Complex thing going on. However, Rowling was clever enough to disclose it in such a way that when it led to a disastrous outcome (it was Harry's desire to save lives that brought about Sirius' death) her readers – I – didn't think, 'Harry, how could you be so daft?' In Alan's case, I kept screaming at the pages, 'BUT, DUDE, WHAT YOU'RE DOING MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!'

And, Nick – all that inner voice yapping on and on about not giving a crap and being the focused brother and being the sensible brother, blah, blah, blah – this bloke couldn't slap Alan and sit him down for a much needed lecture: 'Alan, bro, I feel you, dude. Okay, I don't, cos I think you're a little pussy. But I kinda understand that you need to save lives. However, you have a mum who's insane and a bunch of magicians waiting to bite our asses at any given chance. Don't you think you should, maybe, tone down the risks you take for strangers a little bit? I mean, it's only logical, right?'

I would have put Alan's and the other characters' aggravating idiocy aside as 'character flaw' had Sarah not utilised it to advance her plot. The fact of the matter is, if Alan wasn't dumb, there wouldn't have been an adventure or a novel, to begin with. It's like reading a book where it is stated that the hero knows the villain is the villain, and that the villain is capable of anything that could lead to the hero's death. The villain invites the hero to his house and offers him a cup of coffee. As a reader, you think, 'But that coffee might be spiked. I wouldn't drink that. Surely this hero must think the same thing.' But the hero drinks the coffee without a second's thought and collapses, shivering. And that's how the plot begins, because now the hero must find a way to survive and kill the villain. However, common sense dictates that the hero should not have drank the coffee in the first place. So, in order for the plot to move forward, the hero has to be dumb enough to do things he's not supposed to do. Get it? That's exactly how The Demon's Lexicon reads.

Let me recount a more practical example for your comprehension, this time from the book. Jamie and Mae, the other protagonists, are intertwined with Nick's and Alan's lives, because Jamie has a third-tier mark on his self and Alan is determined to help him for two reasons: he's nicer than Santa on Christmas day and he has a huge crush on Mae (the same Mae he gave his talisman to, which eventually got him marked). At some point in Lexicon, Alan concocts a plan that involves taking on the magicians face-to-face. Mae decides that she and Jamie are coming along for the ride. I pause my reading and think, 'Jamie and Mae have no combat experience or any experience whatsoever in dealing with magicians. Why should they accompany Nick and Alan to the lair of one of the most power magician circles? Surely, they're just going to get caught and used as leverage to Nick and Alan's detriment.'

Naturally, Nick shares my opinion, and when he voices out his concerns, Mae replies with something like, 'There will be four of us. Four is better than two.' Alan agrees, saying, 'Yeah. That makes sense. We can split in twos.'

Are you f-ing kidding me? Does this Alan knucklehead want to get laid that bad? Imagine Harry going to fight death eaters and taking Aunt Petunia with him, reasoning: 'There's two of us. Two is better than one.' Huh? Oh, yeah, and they did get caught.

That's how things mostly unfold in Lexicon: nice Alan comes up with a dumb plan, feminist Mae superimposes herself on everything and everyone (I hate girls like that), gay Jamie just sits in a corner, blabbering gibberish, and tough Nick, who sees the stupidity in everything (even in things that aren't stupid), cannot seem to put his foot down and say, 'Enough is enough, guys. None of this makes any sense.'

As if that isn't enough, further into the novel, Alan gets the upper hand in the battle against the magicians by shutting off the electricity in the house. Black Arthur, in all his infinite glory and power, cannot, for the love of God, create light. Dude, you're supposed to be a powerful magician. You've got mates who can transform into birds and wolves, and you can't create simple, bloody light?

Prose-wise, Sarah is both fluid and infuriating at intervals. She can write, no disputing that, but she gets carried away at times and jumps overboard, especially in action scenes, leaving me confused rather than engrossed.

Frankly, The Demon's Lexicon needed more tightening before hitting bookstores. Sarah and her agent should have waited an additional year. It pains me when I read books with so much wasted potential (and this book had about as much potential as Graceling, let me tell you). The dialogue between characters was, in most cases, extensive and monotonous. Don't get me wrong – they were well written, but they could have been shorter. Sometimes Nick and Alan talked about the same thing they'd spoken about two pages ago, coming to the same conclusion and just wasting time.

The plot, while riveting in some parts, is not without its issues. This book should have been a novella. In fact, I think it started out as a novella, because it felt way too stretched to me, as if Sarah didn't have much to write about and decided to dump in random stuff in order to bloat the book. The aforementioned plan by Alan to attack the magicians (which takes place towards the end) could have happened earlier in the book. The beginning was great. The end was great (though unnecessarily prolonged to delay the book's climax). The middle was irrelevant.

The mythology anchoring Lexicon and its upcoming sequels is sound, which is probably why my review score isn't below 5. Most young adult books today are usually about some douche bag chick falling for some emo vampire/angel/[insert favourite paranormal specie here] in a biology class (Fallen; Hush, Hush; et la). So, it's refreshing to see a female author taking a different route, kind of like Kristin Cashore.

Another reason this book gets a high rating from me is the twist. Actually, twists. There are two of them. The first one, I did not expect, but I frowned upon because it's been done in so many movies/books/TV shows. But then, Sarah, who is famous for her wicked sense of humour, added another twist right after that one, and I was definitely taken by surprise.

I don't know if I'm going to read the next book, The Demon's Covenant. I think it's written from Mae's point of view, and as I stated earlier, I hate her. She annoys me. Plus, I can tell what 75% of the book will entail: Mae likes Alan, but, oh, she loves Nick, but, oh Alan is safe and understanding, but, oh, Nick is sexy and dangerous. Another love triangle nonsense. I read an excerpt on The Book Smugglers; there seems to be another boy in the mix – McFarlane is his name. So it's a love square then. This is the main reason I stayed away from Wings, which everyone says is awesome. But then everyone said Hush, hush was awesome and "everyone" equals girls who eat all these Twilight rehashes for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

By no means, do check out The Demon's Covenant when it's published. I'm quite certain Sarah won't disappoint. Personally, I make it a point of duty to stay far away from young adult books that put love triangles first before actual storylines. That means I don't get to read over 78% of YA novels out today. Love triangles as major plot elements are tacky and cliché and only girls see sense in them. Everyone complains that teen boys these days are quick to ignore books for Playstation and Nintendo. At least Assassin's Creed 2, Uncharted 2, Metal Gear Solid 4, Modern Warfare 2 and Batman: Arkham Asylum offer more than YA books in terms of plot and character development. No offence.

All in all, a good debut by Sarah Rees Brennan.

REVIEW SCORE

Characters: 8/10

Nick was the best character overall, and he kept the book interesting. If it were down to the others? Damn.

World Building: 8/10

Demons live in a different plane; they can be summoned by magicians and asked for powers in exchange for something. Superb. Now, if only Black Author knew how to conjure up light it would have been a perfect 9.

Prose: 8/10

Sucks you in. Keeps in interested. Takes you for a wild ride.

Plot: 6/10

Would have been great. Should have been great. Had Alan and Mae and Jamie had died, things would have been a lot better.

Final Score: 8/10

Edit: Since I've decided to read Wings, I'm definitely going to check out The Demon's Covenant.

New Moon Movie Review

The Twilight Saga: New Moon. The ultimate porn for chicks.

I cannot take the pain to regurgitate the synopsis of this film, because I'm assuming you already know what it's all about. If you're a human being inhabiting a place where other human beings live in, and perhaps there happen to be little human beings or teens (yeah, the ones that think life sucks and everyone sucks, and whine about it constantly), then you're sure to have heard all that racket about New Moon.

Or if you live around women – doesn't matter the race, age, height or weight – then I'm certain you've heard about New Moon.

Or, hey, if you have a TV or an active internet connection then, mate, at least a dose or two of New Moon must have somehow twitched your eardrums.

If you haven't ... Dude, seriously, where do you live??

Okay, okay, fine. Here goes.

Edward, the beautiful, sexy vampire from last year's Twilight (in case you don’t know who he is, he’s the bloke with bad hair), decides to dump his ordinary, mouth watering (literally, as in he really wants to drain her dry), not-sexy-in-anyway-but-every-hobo-in-her-school-loves-her human girlfriend, Bella, after an accident that involves his brother, Jasper, trying and failing to eat Bella.

As a result, Bella spirals into a troubling state of depression and mild insanity, withdrawing from the world of the living into a hollow shell. Time doesn't exist anymore for her. Life has little to no meaning. Why? Her Love is gone.

She later turns to extreme sports – like jumping off cliffs, riding motorbikes without prior knowledge on how to ride one, and going off with strangers that could rape her and slit her throat. But, dude, that's all cool, cos Bella has a plan. You see, every time she does something potentially dangerous she glimpses Edward. Not the real Edward, but kind of a vision of Edward. It's real to her, and that's all that matters. She reckons, 'If I stand on a train track, just before the train tears me to shreds, I'll see Edward again.'

Though used sparingly, the effects are a lot better than in Twilight. The werewolves look adorable… Um, yeah, you see I'm not so sure that's a good thing. I think the special effects guys were aiming for scary 'RAH-RAH' werewolves, not 'Aww, cute puppies' werewolves, which is what they gave us in the end. No matter.

Okay, here’s the deal: you know how you hate someone not because of what they did but because of what someone else who's somehow related to them did? Like, if Osama's kid was in your school you'd probably hate his guts, even though he had absolutely nothing to do with the September 11 bombings that snuffed the life of your relative/friend/fellow human being. That's how I feel about New Moon. The actors were okay. Yes, believe it or not, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart can act. The director was great. For quite a while now, until New Moon, I don’t think I ever watched a movie based on a book that was more true to that book. Chris Weitz should have directed Harry Potter. The effects were manageable. But the movie still sucked for me ... because the book sucks.

There are a lot of things we overlook when reading books. But when these things are transferred verbatim to the big screen it gets one thinking, 'Okay, that's pretty lame. It was awesome when I read it, but now seeing it just makes it ridiculous.' Like Bella participating in dumb stunts just so she can see Edward. In the book, I didn’t mind. In the movie, I thought, come on, man! It was laughable. We’ve all gone through heartbreak. You haven’t really lived until you’ve experienced one. But jumping off a cliff just to see a boyfriend inside your head? LMAO!

Fans will adore this film. They're mostly women and, what can I say, maybe there's something about Twilight that makes them orgasm over and over again, with no end in sight. God knows, nothing any man tries can achieve such a colossal feat. Nothing floats a woman's boat better than Twilight. Maybe that's why dudes hate Twilight so much.

Non-fans, however, will toast the end of an era when good movies made the most money in the box office and shitty movies tanked.

Rating: 3/10

Po, the punching bag [Graceling Review]

By now you must have heard about this book, Graceling by Kristin Cashore. If you haven't then now you have. I've had the American cover as my profile pic since I first heard about it in 2008 but I only just read it last Saturday. What took me so long? School. Masters. Exams. Stuff like that.

So after a long wait, I finally trekked to my local Borders in Birmingham and bought me a copy of Graceling. I tell you, I was entertained. It's been a joyous ride, one that I'm going to miss. Damn you, Kristin. Damn you!

In Graceling there are seven kingdoms ruled by seven kings, and in all of these kingdoms there exist certain people who possess disparate eye-colours. These people are known as Gracelings. A Graceling is someone gifted with an extra-ordinary talent called a grace. Graces can be mundane, like being able to climb any tree, being able to cook really well, being able to run fast, and the like. They can be useless, like being able to talk backwards. Or they can be dangerous – being able to read minds, being able to fight like no other ordinary person, etcetera.

Katsa, our heroine, is graced with fighting. She can beat anyone, kill anything, and she does it with fluid dexterity and creativity. There simply is no stopping this chick. But Katsa has a problem. She's the King's tool for destruction and she doesn't like it one bit. So in attempt to right the wrongs she's been forced to dump on the world she initiates the Council, a secret organisation tasked with helping people. Nice, huh?

Enter Po, a man who Katsa encounters on a mission that takes her to the prison of one of the seven kingdoms. Although they don't start out as friends, their relationship develops and Po soon becomes Katsa's official punching bag. So humble is this bloke that he is willing to take blows from Kasta's fists on a daily basis. He is bruised and broken after each fight yet he keeps coming back for more. And he smiles about it too! Yes, gentlemen, the feministic vibe is very strong in this book.

And yes, the character-names in Graceling are a little odd. Not bad odd though. It's just Kristin Cashore's way of introducing herself to book lovers. You normally expect fantasy books to have names like Eragon, Aragon, Baragon, Lalagon, Shortgungon or something like that. You don't expect Po, Oll, Leck, Birn, Thigpen, or Greening Grandemalion (OK, allow me to say WTF here).

Graceling's story is rather straightforward. Too straightforward. There are no twists, nothing that will cajole that elated and surprised wow from you. The intrigue begins from page one and halfway into the book you know who the baddy is, because our clever heroine and hero, Kasta and Po, figure things out early on. At some point I thought maybe Cashore would do a 180 and weave the threads of the plot to give a new outcome but nothing of such happens. It's not entirely a bad thing, as the plot in itself hooks you from start to finish.

The finish, however, is where Graceling's grace fails it. The villain meets his end in a somewhat lacklustre fashion and in his second appearance. Alas, Graceling is anticlimactic. This is a common problem that plagues most YA books where you have a very, very, very powerful main character (Katsa) and a very, very, very powerful villain (???). You expect some kind of massive, explosive epic battle and all you get is a muffled poof. Disappointing.

Characters are well drawn out and believable, though not all of them. Meet Bitterblue; ten-year-old princess with a cute name, but very implausible as a human being. She talks like she's 30 and behaves like she's wooden (shows very little emotion, particularly for a ten-year-old).

Marriage. Kids. Ah, yes. The main controversy that spawned from this book. Everyone was talking about it when the book came out last year. I don't think it's a spoiler to say that Katsa is against marriage or bearing children, and she does neither in the book's entirety, albeit she falls in love with Po. Po accepts her choices without much of an argument and tells her that he will take her the way she is.

For me this is Graceling's biggest problem. It's not Katsa's odium for marriage or having kids. It's Po. It's Edward in Twilight. It's the innumerable male characters in YA novels today. Why is it that nowadays female writers create great male leads only to bastardize them later so that these men/boys can fit into their boxes of weird and flawed fantasies of how they think men should behave towards women? And seeing as how women don't generally like how men are in real life readers are sure to get a healthy dose of Edward-esque clowns.

That's right. Edward does everything for Bella. Everything. The bloke has no sense of direction. No life. He's a robot designed to indulge Bella's every whim (and vice-versa). Po too. Built for Katsa, this one. The man started out great, and then from nowhere he's like, 'Yeah baby, I totally agree with your no marriage/no baby logic. You're right. I mean, I feel marriage is supposed to be a wonderful union between two people who love each other. In fact, my parents, brothers and their wives are a pretty good example. But f@&* how I feel, because I'm all for you, babes. I was made for you. You complete me.'

Huh? First he generously donates his body for Katsa to molest on the training ground, and now this?

Katsa was born a pariah, a hardened, adroit killer. Of course she wouldn't want marriage or kids. I completely understand that. But Po, born a prince, born into a family of love, a family with small shortcomings – yes – but one that still adores him, and he doesn't want marriage and children? He must have a very good reason for that, but – oh no! The book doesn't say.

Hang on, did you say it's because he loves Katsa? Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't love the chief ingredient that pushes men like Po to marry and make babies?

'I told him I'm not going to marry you and hang on to you like a barnacle, just to keep you to myself and stop you from loving anyone else.' Katsa's words to Po. Translation: sex with you is awesome, hun, but you're free to do it with someone else if you want, just like I'm free to jump into the sack with another man too. Understand?

'It's alright, you know. Other people don't have to understand.' Po's reply to Katsa. Translation: babes, if I slept with someone else you'd smash my head like a tomato, so I'd just agree with every BS that spews from your mouth and stick with you until you tell me to sod off.

Po doesn't even try to convince Katsa. Either he's afraid of her or he's really a daft robot with the grace of looking and acting somewhat human. I remember him asking her to marry him once. Immediately she says, 'Screw marriage, and babies too,' he goes, 'Yeah, screw 'em all. Let's go train. After you've rearranged my bones with your hands we can have sex again.'

Grow some spine, mate.

Seriously, you have to wonder whether Po and Katsa are in love or in lust. It didn't seem like love to me, especially after considering the excerpt I posted above.

I'm going to pretend that Po's stance on all of this is temporary. Let's be honest, guys, if you fell in love with a hot chick and she told you that marriage and kids were a no-no but sex was a yes-yes, would you turn her down? Nope. Not me. Nuh-uh. I'd tell her what she wants to hear, which is, 'Baby, I couldn't have said it any better. Marriage and babies are evil,' and jump right in.

If I read Bitterblue (the sequel to Graceling which comes after Fire) and find Po still yapping on about how he's cool with not marrying Katsa... Epic fail, Ms Cashore.

In spite of all this, Graceling is a great book. The world Kristin Cashore has created is addictive and blossoms with life, adventure and wonder, and you always feel like you're right there with Katsa through every battle, every pain, and every happiness. Kristin Cashore's voice is new, true, strong, unique and sweet, and I look forward to reading many more of stories with weird character names (Magalusomaduoeomon, anyone?) from her in the future.

In fact, I need Fire right now. Damn it, Kristin, what gives?!

REVIEW SCORE:

Characters: 9/10

World Building: 9/10

Prose: 10/10

Plot: 8/10

Final Score: 9/10

PS: my grace is pissing people off. What's yours?